Talking about Master Yasushi...
He really treated me well.
But, the thing about Master Yasushi was...
He really amazed me, every single time.
There was one time Master Yasushi surprised me in particular.
We were sitting next to each other on a plane.
They were playing a video about pandas.
The pandas at the Ueno Zoo.
He asked me, "Sanma, what's that 'panda' thing?"
So I answered, "Pandas are a type of bear."
"Do they taste good?"
That's what he said.
So I replied, "I'm not sure how they taste, sir.
But I guess they probably taste terrible."
So he said, "Then someone's gotta tell this airline!
This video? It doesn't benefit anyone!
Why the hell do they play footage of that damn panda thing?
Tell them to play a video about cows!"
"Okay, sir. If you have the chance, please give them your advice."
And we wore seatbelts.
He said, "Sanma, do you know why we wear seatbelts on a plane?"
-"Because it's safer, sir?" -"Are you an idiot?"
"We're men! About to fly! It takes guts! We gotta look after 'em!"
"Really, sir? Thanks for telling me."
And another time, the plane was taking forever to leave.
I was thinking, "Huh? How late can they be?"
Then Master Yasushi appeared and said,
"Goddammit! They really pissed me off, Sanma.
When I was getting on the plane, I looked over at the cockpit.
I saw the pilot yawning.
That blew my fuse and I said,
"Hey asshole!
How many hundreds of lives do you have in your damn hands?
Why the hell are you yawning?"
I just finished telling him off."
The pilot received a 30-minute lecture.
He was going, "You asshole!"
So, that's just how amazing a man he was.
There are so many stories I could tell about Master Yasushi.
But this isn't the right time to share them.
-Shall we watch Episode Four? -Okay.
-So, here we go. -Okay...Bluey!
I didn't say,"Ready?" I said, "Here we go."
-Listen properly. -Yessir.
Okay?
-Ready? -Bluey.
You are amazing. Oh, my.
I found it. I found it!
-Money? -Y--Yes, sir.
You s-- See...
My m-- Mother's ill. She's alone. In the countryside...
So I need m-- Money...
P-- Please!
Your mom? In the countryside? But you live together...
It must be tough if your mom's not well.
We all have to look after our parents.
So, take care. We're always here. Come again!
Oh, it was nothing.
NIMURA'S PAWN SHOP
The best I can do is 2,500.
Please go a bit higher! How about 2,000?
I don't mind, but isn't that cheaper?
Really?
What's up, Old Lady?
Wasn't there a tacky picture hanging here?
As they made their way
from Point A to Point B
-they were-- -Abracadabra.
Abracadabra.
-Abracadabra-- -Onishi?
-Yes? -What are you mumbling about?
If I s-- Say this... it helps me crap.
Really?
What is it? What's wrong?
Um...
H-- Hiraki's dad passed away.
And... They're having a funeral this afternoon.
I w-- Want to go home.
-That sounds tough. -Yes.
-Okay. -Thank you.
Onishi's been acting strange lately.
What would you expect? Hiraki's dad died.
For the third time.
It's four times, now.
This smells good.
Oh, no!
Abracadabra.
EPISODE 4
-It's no fun when Young Boss ain't around. -How true.
-I wish we he came back everyday. -Yeah!
Then he could feed us everyday.
-Where do you want him to take us next? -Let me think.
-A sushi restaurant with great BBQ meat. -That sounds great!
-Get outta here! -What's wrong? We're your customers!
You only ordered one takoyaki! That's ten yen! Gimme a break!
Damn you poor comedians!
That hurt. Shut up old bitch!
We could be stars tomorrow.
You'll only become a star if the earth gets destroyed!
Okay! I'll finish off the earth today!
Idiot! Go finish off yourself!
You're quick on the ball. Wanna give us three more takoyaki?
Go home! You're ruining my business. Now!
I'll leave the money here.
-Thanks! -Thanks for the meal.
TAKOYAKI
It's a one-yen coin!
It's a deposit.
Get outta my sight! Assholes!
Is that Onishi?
-Really? -What's that monkey doing?
It's a girl! He has a girlfriend?
And she's real pretty!
The plot thickens.
Onishi's got a girl?
Mr. Shoji saw him.
Apparently he's giving her money.
-What do you expect? He's a virgin. -But, sir...
If it makes him funnier, all the better!
But I don't think borrowing money is a good idea.
Who cares?
It's none of my business now.
-Big Bro Osamu will look after him. -Perhaps...
I'm hungry.
TAKOYAKI
-Yo, Sanma! -Mr. Kamio!
Did you read the plot for my new show?
I would love to star in it.
But there's one thing...
-Are you really sure? -About what?
I mean...
I'm all over the tabloids.
That's because Sanma is as hot as summer.
If the powers above complain, we'll just ignore them.
-Nice. -Leave it to me.
-So, do your thing! -Thank you.
Let's go! Sanma's entering the set!
-Oh, Osamu. -Hi, Old Lady.
I heard you're looking after Onishi now. How's it going?
We have our share of problems.
I can imagine. Think of it like you're training a monkey.
You sure know how to put it, Old Lady. You're good--
Onishi! What the hell are you doing?
What's that?
What happened?
Well...
I caught him stealing a wallet.
I didn't do it!
Really?
-I didn't get that far. -What?
-I was still just thinking about it. -That's the same thing!
Onishi, sit down.
He told you to sit down!
Onishi.
Let's talk straight.
Yessir.
I know you've been acting strange.
And you've needed a lot of money.
Y-- You knew?
You've been giving it to a woman, right?
What is she? A hostess? A masseuse?
I bet that pretty girl was a prostitute.
-A fortuneteller... -A fortuneteller?
Yessir.
She s-- Said my guardian spirit would s-- Solve my problems...
So, I bought a talisman and stuff.
She took your money?
I gave it to her.
The talisman was written by a very holy monk--
Holy monk? She was a girl with bleached hair.
What's worrying you in the first place?
What troubles you so much you need a fortuneteller?
Tell us what it is.
Young Boss...
We can't hear you! Speak up!
I...
I've had enough.
Mentor. Onishi.
You're fired.
Who the hell are you?
Sanma begged me himself. He never asks anyone favors.
Of course I had to look after you.
But not only are you completely useless,
you try to sabotage us.
And then some woman tricks you, and you steal from us?
What the hell are you thinking?
-I'm sorry! -This is too much!
Could you please quit?
But...
I'm telling you to quit!
You scum! Never again.
Never let me see your face again.
Get outta here!
-Get out now! -Yessir!
What should we do?
That idiot's on his own!
HOUSE OF FORTUNE-TELLING
You know why we're here, lady!
How nice of you to seduce him and make such a damn mess!
Onishi's not buying anything else!
-Well, I wouldn't say no to her either. -Mr. Okure!
You guys are being so mean.
Enough of your act.
I'm not acting.
How many men did you steal from with that trick?
You've been saying a whole lot of slanderous things.
You can't prove a thing!
I'm borrowing your phone.
Hello? Nanba Police Station?
Can I speak to Inspector Fujiwara? I'm Murakami, from Yoshimoto.
Thank you for having us perform at the Crime Prevention Event the other day.
I'm with a fortuneteller called Reika...
Okay.
I won't go near him any more.
Just hurry up and leave.
We'll forgive you this time.
Don't ever do anything funny again!
Don't go anywhere near Onishi!
My words exactly.
Now I have nowhere to go at all...
I am...
I am such an idiot.
You're an idiot.
I'm an idiot.
And you're a foolishly honest idiot.
Foolishly honest?
Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?
That's a good question.
I like people who are foolishly honest.
I wished everyone on earth was foolishly honest.
It would make things so simple.
But sometimes being foolishly honest means you end up hurting someone.
People are so complicated.
-About Onishi... -Yes?
Can you think of a stage name for him?
-A stage name? -Yeah.
But only a mentor can give his apprentice a stage name--
That's what I mean. You're his mentor.
Me?
When he's in Osaka,
it's like he's a little puppy crying for two mothers.
A little puppy? Big Bro, he's a monkey.
Yeah, a monkey...
Actually, he's a gorilla. Right?
The word "monkey" sounds better, but you're right. He's a gorilla.
He's a gorilla... Yeah, "monkey" is easier.
-But anyway...
All that kid cares about is you.
Sanma.
Yeah?
There may be no point saying this, but...
Being a mentor,
and taking responsibility for someone's future...
It's not such a bad thing.
So... See you around.
Big Bro, thank you.
I heard that you gave him a good telling-off.
-I know it was just a lesson-- -No, I wasn't.
I really flipped it.
Really?
He can be so annoying.
I have a show to shoot. Bye.
-Do your best. -Will do.
Thanks!
Who could this be?
Hello?
You see...
there's something I'd like to talk about.
So, are you going to pay?
There's no doubt I'm pregnant.
But if I told Yoshimoto...
I think he'll get fired.
What will you do? Will you show me some good faith?
Is it Onishi's kid?
There's no mistake. I went to the clinic this morning.
What should I do?
I said, "No." But he forced himself on me.
-You should have the kid. -Eh?
-I'll be there when it pops out. -Who will raise it? I can't.
I don't care how you use it.
Just take this, and stay away from him.
ASSHOLE!
Is this true?
-I liked Sanma... I feel so stupid. -He's finished.
-He's woman's worst enemy. -He sure is.
-Sanma's done for. -He's a slimebag.
Why?
Haven't you seen this?
-Who's he? -I don't know. Let's go.
He's a pervert.
"I ABORTED SANMA'S BABY FOR 200,000 YEN!"
What's this?
Ms. Reika!
HOUSE OF FORTUNE-TELLING
What?
"I ABORTED SANMA'S BABY FOR 200,000 YEN!"
What the hell?
See this?
That bitch.
She couldn't get any more money from you, so she extorted Young Boss.
W-- What do you mean?
Ms. Reika disappeared, and I don't know what's going on!
We went to that bitch and told her to never scam anyone again!
But then she went and did something even lower.
-W-- What should I do? It's all my fault. -Exactly.
All this happened because you were horny.
When will you learn?
All you ever do is cause Young Boss trouble!
SANMA SACKED FROM THE SET?
But you know Young Boss. He won't let it get to him.
B-- But, what if he gets fired?
These are all lies! All because I was so stupid...
I know! If I go to Tokyo, maybe I can fix things up.
But Young Boss might get angry. What should I do?
Stay put. Don't make things any worse!
Young Boss doesn't have the time to look after you.
I know that.
That's why...
That's why Young Boss said what he did...
Forget...
about me.
Got it?
I want to...
I want to be near Young Boss.
I want to be with him!
-Hey. -Onishi!
CAFE MARCHES
What's this?
Onishi probably forgot it.
"Keep Young Boss safe"?
This is like a cartoon.
He went to that fortuneteller for Young Boss?
He really is an idiot.
Why doesn't he realize this hocus-pocus won't change a thing?
PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. NO MORE SCANDALS FOR YOUNG BOSS.
-Hi! -Good morning.
Hello!
You look good in yellow.
What's with that?
-They don't even hide their contempt. -They don't know how to react.
-Yo, Sanma! -Mr. Kamio!
-Forgive me. -What is it?
-About that new program... -How is it going?
Well...
Let's cross out that date. I'm so sorry.
Sorry to you too, Hibiya. It suddenly got canned.
It can't be helped.
I told them I needed you. No matter what.
But, you know... There's a lot going on, right?
The sponsors don't like scandals.
The Sales Department was balking, too.
I really am sorry.
It's all my fault. I don't have enough clout.
-No, no. -Never mind. Let's do dinner some time.
Thank you! Good idea. Some time soon.
-Let's. -Okay. Bye.
-Thanks. -Bye.
Nice.
They write crazy stuff, and I have to deal with it.
-Mr. Sanma... -What is it, Hibi-yan?
It's just that you always seem to be laughing. Don't you get angry?
It's not funny when you're angry.
But, at times like these, don't you wanna scream, "Asshole!"?
Maybe kicking a trash can would help.
Kicking a trash can? Like some trashy TV soap?
That's not funny.
I'm sorry.
Forget about it.
Assholes!
What the hell are they thinking?
I told you, Hibi-yan.
It's not funny when you're angry.
It looks like Onishi.
Maybe it is funny sometimes.
Right, Onishi?
You silly monkey!
Gorilla! Gorilla!
Can't you hear me, asshole?
Get in. We're taking you to Tokyo.
You don't mind?
We've no choice. Are you gonna run there?
You ran off without a plan? Are you an idiot?
Young Boss will have a fun time yelling at you in Tokyo.
Yessir.
Here we go. Hang on!
Huh?
Why now?
It must need maintenance. It's been a while...
Bad luck. You will have to run to Tokyo.
-You can catch the bullet train. -But...
I don't have any money.
I'll lend you some!
Empty your pockets!
Here!
That's all? You two are pathetic!
-Make sure you pay us back. -Yessir.
Run to the station.
That should just be enough to reach Tokyo.
Yessir.
-I'm sorry. -Hurry up!
Thank you!
-Great job, guys. -Thank you.
Everyone's still weird.
You're right.
Please!
What?
-Please! -It's Onishi.
No!
Please!
Mr. Sanma didn't do anything bad!
Mr. Sanma really is an amazing person.
He's funny! Of course he's funny, but...
He can make people laugh... I just said that.
-What's he doing? -But...
Mr. Sanma really is an amazing person!
So, if you drop him from your show, you'll make many people sad...
So, p-- Please!
I b-- Beg you! I beg you!
Please!
What are you doing?
-I can't tell what he's talking about? -And in the f--
First place, that story about her being pregnant... It was a lie!
It's because I'm an idiot. I went to a fortuneteller.
Then there were huge tits...
And a talisman...
And "Abracadabra."
When I tried to do the titty thing, she ran away.
She didn't let me do anything, so... There's no way she could have a baby.
I'm still a v-- Virgin. And so...
P-- Please!
-What should we do? -Call security?
I'll--
What? What are you doing?
-Hey you. -Yes? That's enough. Stop it.
No!
Unless the TV people promise they won't drop Young Boss,
I'm staying here.
Let me do this! Please!
Please stop this. Hear me?
You may be a fan, but you're causing trouble.
Mr. Sanma is...
He's m-- My Superman.
He's the best ever Superman!
He's my... He's my Superman!
That's why--
Sorry about the disturbance.
I'm a manager from Yoshimoto Inc. My name is Hibiya.
This is one of Sanma's fans. I'll take good care of this.
I'm Kamio, from Production. You can go. Let's move on!
-Deal with this, okay? -Yessir.
P-- Please! Please use Mr. Sanma! Please!
Please!
Do you think Onishi was able to find Young Boss?
Who cares what that gorilla does?
Weren't you the most enthusiastic back there?
Shut up.
He's probably causing trouble again.
Lucky him. If he catches up with Sanma, he'll get a good feast.
-Can I eat this, too? -Eat whatever you want.
Damn you. Just don't be stupid.
I'm sorry.
No matter how much you beg, you can't make things better.
But you sure have guts, kid.
Will they drop you?
Because of one fake article? I won't let them!
That's great news!
Mr. Sanma, why did you stop me back then?
In that situation, something funny was sure to happen.
Why waste a once-a-lifetime situation?
Why did you stop me, Hibi-yan?
It would have damaged your cool image. It wasn't your style.
Onishi was on his hands and knees, bowing his head to everyone.
What would you have said?
"Look at the poor kid. Please give him your spare change."
-That's disgusting! -I'm sorry.
-What's your problem? -I'm sorry.
Cut that out, would you!
And if they thought he was your apprentice,
it wouldn't reflect well upon you. He is a weird kid.
I understand your position. You work for the agency. I can't blame you.
If I just said he was your fan, they wouldn't blame you.
Well, he sure is a fan.
You're eating that, too?
I'm sorry.
Fine, have it.
Thank you.
You're a big fan of Mr. Sanma?
Yep.
I've got work to do.
-Okay. -Excuse me.
-Thanks, Hibi-yan. -No problem.
-Take care. -Okay.
Eat slowly.
Yes, sir.
What is it?
Nothing.
You're sure a lot of trouble.
What a hassle.
Will you go back to Osaka?
I'm sorry for all the trouble.
What's wrong?
...is about to reach its peak.
-According to the airlines, -Or...
all flights leaving Tokyo are...
Will you stay with me?
Tomorrow's domestic flights will also be crowded.
What? What?
Are you sure?
Yeah.
I'll stay here! Of course I will!
-I'll stay with you, Young Boss. -Don't get so close?
I'm sorry.
You're weird.
-What's so funny? -Nothing.
-Why are you laughing? -It's nothing.
Enough, already. Tell me what you're laughing at.
You know what? I'll have to think of a stage name.
-A stage name? -Right.
-For who? -You.
Who else is here?
-A stage name? For me? -Right.
A stage name. A stage name...
Thank you so much.
What shall it be?
You really do look like a gorilla.
How about Jimmy?
-D-- Did you say, "Jimmy"? -Yes.
Dogs are Spot. Cats are Ginger. And gorillas are Jimmy.
Gorillas are Jimmy?
Thank you.
It's perfect. Jimmy.
Jimmy Onishi is born!
In other news,
a crowd-favorite gorilla passed away earlier today at a zoo in Brazil.
Renowned as a genius gorilla, his name was Jimmy.
There really was a gorilla called Jimmy?
Visitors placed flowers around his cage,
and said their final farewell to Jimmy.
Is this really real?
Do they lie on the news?
And it just died! This is a miracle!
Why? The moment you gave me a stage name, it died. That's bad luck!
-No, it's the other way around! -Other way around?
That Jimmy was popular, right?
He died the moment I gave you the same name.
You're gonna get all of his popularity. It'll come racing toward you!
-You really think so? -Of course I do! It's a miracle.
The Miracle of Jimmy. He has been born!
That's great! That's great news!
What's this? No paparazzi any more?
-There used to be so many. -The scandal has finally settled down.
-How boring. -Boring? Don't say that.
I've had enough of them.
-Shall we go back to the boys? -Sure.
Here we go.
To the airport.
-What's that? -What?
I saw it at the shop. I had to buy it.
Looks just like him, right?
-Onishi? -That's right.
Young Boss! Young Boss!
Jimmy Onishi?
-I guess it'll do. -Of course it will do!
Young Boss gave it to me.
So, that means you're his apprentice?
Yes. I'm his apprentice.
Who expected that from Young Boss?
Sanma must've gone crazy.
Now we are Shoji Murakami,
Mr. Okure,
and Jimmy Onishi.
-We're not a group. -Sorry.
-The Sanma Family. -Family? Sounds like the mafia.
You're right. We are family!
-We're not a group! -Sorry.
-You know Mr. Sanma's coming back today? -Wow! Really?
I wanna eat meat.
I want meat, too!
-We are not in the same group. -Sorry.
His show's on air soon.
We interrupt the show to bring you breaking news.
A plane scheduled to arrive in Osaka at 9 p.m. has crashed.
Hey...
that's...
What's wrong?
I think that's the plane Mr. Sanma was gonna catch...
What?
Young Boss!
This episode was about the time I gave you the name Jimmy.
That miracle. Do you remember how it happened?
-At your apartment in Fukushima... -That's right!
I do remember.
That really was... It was a miracle. A miracle, indeed.
You asked me to give you a stage name, so I said, "Stage name?
Jimmy... Jimmy Onishi. How do you like that?"
I said, "You look gorilla-ish. It sounds gorilla-ish.
Okay, you're Jimmy Onishi!"
You said, "Thank you! It would be an honor to be called Jimmy."
Then, when I turned on the TV...
They said, "Jimmy the Genius Gorilla has died."
It was a news headline from Brazil.
It really gave me goose bumps.
I thought, "Wow. This kid has this kind of power."
You surprised me that time.
-So you became Jimmy. -Yes.
I wonder what would've happened if I gave you a different name.
When I got the name Mackerel,
I hated it.
I didn't expect that.
I thought I'd be called Komatsu.
But then I remembered there was another comedian already called Komatsu.
So, I was wondering what name I'd get, when my mentor called me over.
I said, "Yessir?" He said, "I've chosen your name."
-"Thank you, sir." -"It's 'Sanma.' "
I said, "Huh?"
He said, "Nice name, right? That's it."
So I became Sanma. But my mentor had a reason.
He always gave his apprentices names that were related to their family's trade.
A guy whose dad ran a bicycle store got the name Saddle Akashiya.
But he said, "That sounds like I'll be stuck under bums my whole life."
So he quit.
There was another guy whose parents ran a lingerie shop.
He was called Pants Akashiya.
Mentor said, "You're lucky. You're full of treasure."
That guy quit, too.
And there was one more. Mentor said,
"We already have Mackerel, so you should be Flounder."
That's the name the kid got.
He said, "Thank you, sir. It's an honor to be called Flounder."
But the next morning, he came back and said,
"Mentor, I truly am grateful and honored that you gave me the name Flounder.
But I remembered one thing last night.
Flounder live on the ocean floor, and they never see the light of day.
That sounds like bad luck. Can I change it?"
Mentor got angry and said, "Go choose your own name!"
-So, that was nearly all true, too? -Yes.